Beauty
By Melissa Siegel
Friday- 3:30- in my room
Have you ever had one of those days when everything seems to go wrong? You have? Oh, well then you know what I just went through! I mean in just one day, I had a huge green ketchup stain on my shirt, a very bad grade on my English test (I swear! That teacher hates me!), and a fight with my mom (she won't take me shopping tomorrow-Saturday! I haven't been to the mall in like a whole week! What is this world coming to?!?), also my dad called from France saying that he wasn't going to be home for another week, because some major business thing just came up. Right Dad! And as if my day wasn't bad enough, I had a major fight with my best friend Jillian, (she cancelled plans with me that we had made ages ago, and then she wouldn't tell me why! Ugh!).
Ok, as you can tell, I just had a very lousy day… no, a very, very lousy day! Wait… Mom's calling me…I'll be right back!
Still Friday- 4:05- back in my room
Ugh! Mom says that she will take me shopping, but my English essay (my worst subject) will have to be finished first. Well, I could use this time to get started… let's see…
"What is beauty? Respond". Hmm… what kind of question is that? 'What is beauty?' Ugh!
Well, here goes…
Beauty
By Brooke Ashley Donnelly
Beauty is when you wake up in the morning, and your hair is perfectly in place without you doing anything. Beauty is owning the ideal wardrobe and having your accessories match. Beauty is when you walk down the hall, and everyone's heads turn, and friends say 'hi' to you. Beauty is being popular. Beauty is having the perfect smile. That is beauty.
So that is my essay. Pretty good, right? I think so! It took me like a whole hour out of my precious life! I could've been doing something useful, like talking on the phone… or shopping!
Well, it's over and done with, so I must get to the mall! Bye!
Monday night- 8:00- in my room
OH MY GOSH! Who does she think that she is?!? Making me rewrite my beautiful essay! Haha!
Ok, my English teacher (my worst enemy!) told me that it definitely wasn't me best work, and that she wanted me to do it again. When I tried to protest, she told me if I didn't redo it, then I would get an automatic F for the one I already did. She also said that she would give me until the end of the quarter to redo it (Let's see, it's the beginning of the new quarter so I've got 8 weeks.) She told me that she didn't think that I worked well under pressure.
I told her that I would redo it (while groaning under my breath of course!). So now I'm back in my room trying to figure out what the teacher really meant when she asked, "What is beauty?". I thought that I had covered the topic pretty well. Hmm…
**Ring! ** Ring**!
Good! The phone is ringing, so now I don't have to work on my essay! I wonder who it is…
"Hello?"
"Hi… Brooke? It's Jillian"
"Hey! How come you cancelled our plans? I was really looking forward to seeing that movie with you, but I had to see it by myself. It was really good, but…"
"Brooke! Stop talking!"
Jillian then started to cry a little… I had no idea what was wrong! I started to get concerned!
"Jillian… what's wrong? I'm sorry!… I "
"Brooke, remember when I cancelled our plans on Friday? I was at the hospital … I was diagnosed (sob) with… cancer! Look, I have to go…(sob)… I'll call you back later…(sob)… I'll be alright"
Beeeep!
She had hung up. I just stare at the phone like I will all of a sudden hear her say… Brooke! I was just kidding!
Nothing happened. I didn't expect anything to. I am shocked. Did I just have that conversation? No… I couldn't have! Oh my gosh! I did! Jillian really has Cancer… oh, my gosh! I don't know what to do! I don't know how I even feel. I feel a tidal wave of emotions surging throughout my entire body, I feel hot and cold at the same time. I feel like I might suddenly burst into tears any moment. And then suddenly, it passes.
I feel numb, like I've just been dipped into a pool of freezing cold water for an hour. I'm angry! At who? I don't know. I'm going to go zone out in front of the T.V. to clear my mind. I feel like I've just stepped out of 'my world, as I know it', and gotten transported into a whole other place. Toto, I don't think that we're in Kansas anymore.
Still Monday night- 10:30- back in my room
I was just watching my favorite T.V. show, Who Wants to Go on a Shopping Spree?, when my mom came downstairs and started giving me a lecture about how irresponsible I am, and that I should be working on my essay, not "vegging out" in front of the television.
I started to yell at her; saying that I was old enough to make my own decisions, and that she should just leave me alone. I continued my rage by telling her that I had other things to worry about, and that's when the flood gates opened. I then darted up to my room.
Mom came in about 10 minutes later and calmly asked if I wanted to talk about it? I told her that Jillian had Cancer, but I didn't want to talk about it.
That was about 8:45, it's 10:30 now, and I'm still so confused about how I feel. I mean I know I should feel bad for her, but I kind of feel badly for me! Why? Well, now I might be losing a best friend. I don't know what I would do with out her!
I think I need some sleep. I don't know what will happen tomorrow, or in the days to come. In fact, I'm not even sure what happened today, everything seems like a blur.
I hope she'll be alright…
Good night!
Tuesday- 1:45- math class
School is going so slowly today. I'm planning to go visit Jillian after school today and talk to her. You know, see how she is, how she found out, if she's scared or not, etc…The day seems like an eternity.
I'm in the last period of the day, math. I hope this period is over soon. Time seems to be taking its time today. It seems to be in no hurry to reach two o'clock. Oh, no! What?!? A pop quiz! You've got to be kidding! Ugh!…
Let's see… how many minutes are in the period again? My thoughts are starting to drift.
I look at the clock again, and I remember a saying that I once heard "a watched clock never moves". I realize that this is true, so I decide to start on my test.
What?!? Only 2 more minutes left?! Oh no! I guess I've been day dreaming longer than I thought! Well, no time to solve 25 problems, that's for sure! I quickly write down random answers, 12, -3x, 24a, 3000 pounds, 1/3y… hopefully some will be right, I turned in my quiz knowing my hopes were far from likely, but honestly, I don't really care. Right now, flunking a math quiz is the least of my worries. My life doesn't seem like I have any say in it any more. Nothing seems real. The same two thoughts are constantly in my head… this cannot be real, and I wonder how Jillian is…
Tuesday night- back at home
Right after school, I walked to Jillian's house (she lives a few blocks from school).
It's funny, as I was walking; I realized how beautiful everything is. I'm more enchanted by everything, more than Dorothy when she first reaches Oz. I noticed for the first time, how gracefully the snowflakes drifted out of the sky, how beautiful the branches were, covered with snow. I noticed how peaceful the houses looked, with their roofs covered in snow untouched by the world, smoke coming out of their brick chimneys, little kids playing in the yard; building snowmen. I noticed how the cool breeze rustled the tall grass, turning the field on my right into waves of frosty green.
I rounded the corner, and walked up Jillian's steep driveway. I rang the bell. It chimed inside her house for a few seconds, getting softer and softer, until it stopped as her mom opened the door. I made casual conversation, you know 'How are you? I'm fine thanks. How's Jillian… that's good, etc…'
I walked through the house until I found Jillian. She was screaming at the T.V. (she was watching the Olympics. The United States gymnastics team to be exact. Jillian has competed in gymnastics since she was 4.)
"Whoa there, Jillian! It's just one mistake! Chill!"
"It's not… they didn't land the back handspring double twist, and they didn't land the triple twist handspring either!"
"Anyway…" I tried… "How are you? Are you feeling alright?" I inquired…truly concerned.
"Yea… I mean, I'm just stressed, you know with the whole fight with Miranda, and the U.S. gymnast team".
"Ok… I meant how are you coping with cancer?"
"Oh!" She seemed perky… that was good, "I mean, it doesn't seem real… I, I , I dunno…" She faded off.
Her voice and her expression just dropped like 10 feet! I looked into her eyes. She looked lost and confused; I couldn't believe that she was the same person that a few minutes… no seconds ago, the biggest thing on her mind was gymnastics.
I felt a sense of uselessness come over me, like there was nothing I could do to help.
I wasn't sure what I should do, so I gave her a hug, and told her that I would be there for her the whole time. I sat and we talked for the rest of the afternoon. I don't even remember what we talked about!
Mom called me around 5:00 at Jillian's house. She told me that there was an emergency at work, and that she needed me to go home and baby-sit for my little sister, Lara. I walked home, and here I am now.
That was pretty much my day. What a day! This is definitely not my week!
Thursday afternoon- at home
I've realized something. One of my old friends, Rose, well, I've been observing her lately. You see I met her in 4th grade at the mall. I was looking for something in a store, and I thought that she worked there, so I asked her if she knew where it would be, and she showed me. As I later found out, she didn't work at the store, she just came there so often, that she knew where everything was.
We became good friends. We stayed friends up until about last year (7th grade), when I stopped hanging out with her. I didn't know what it was at the time; it was just that there was something about her that didn't seem, I don't know, real. And, no, I don't mean like a wig, or fake snakeskin pants, but kind of, like an act that she put on… like she didn't mean what she said.
Now I realize the right way to describe her is superficial, fake… saying that her favorite color was pink if a guy asked, even though I knew for a fact that it was green, and that she hated pink.
I not only noticed that then, but I noticed something that I had figured out a while ago, but was never able to admit it. I was superficial also. Spending time with her, just made me realize how much we were alike, and I couldn't admit that to myself. So instead of thinking it through, and trying to change my perspective on things, I ran. Not literally (I hate to run!), but I ran from the friendship and reality. I haven't been able to admit this to anyone, especially to myself, until now.
I really must start to look at things in a different way. I think that my priorities were really mixed up there for a while, but now that Jillian has cancer, I think I might be getting back on track.
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